Well, my birthday came and went! I don't seem to post in LJ enough lately to have announced it here, which is kind of weird.

My friends and I went to the Olive Garden after I had to work all day (on my birthday!), and got me a terrifying watermelon cake with plastic ants on it. It was pretty amazing. Definitely Cakewrecks worthy. It was a good night :). I got some good hugs out of the deal, so that was pretty special.

My main news is that my sad computer is having sad problems. I'm so torn lately, because my PC is still a fantastic computer. For most purposes, it does a great job. After 3 years (it's having it's birthday too), it's just started having problems handling what I throw at it. First it crashed while I was using Flash, which I thought might just be a Flash issue. Now it's crashing while playing Sims 2, a game I have played for hours on end without complaint before. I've sucked and blown (tee hee) all the dust out of all the crevices the dust will come out of. I blew the dust out of my power supply and my heat sink. I dismounted my video card to get as much dust out as possible. (Granted, there's a firm layer of dust that just isn't coming off no matter what, but I did my best.) I can tell it helped a little, but I'm afraid that at this point, these overheating issues are going to fry my motherboard, and then I'm going to be royally fucked.

I browsed through Newegg for awhile this afternoon to try and piece together a list of all the things I'll need and a general cost for the parts. Luckily, prices have fallen a bit in those 3 years, and technology has really been kicking ass lately, so I think I can build myself a whole new tower for around $800 if I reuse my hard drive and my optical drive. I still have to really delve into which parts work together and what power supply I'll need, but that seems to be the most realistic amount without sacrificing for cheap parts.

Problem is, I don't think I have $800 right now. I DO, technically, but I'd rather not spend it. I still have to put a new door on my house, which is going to be $500 for the door alone, not including the labor. (Probably looking at about $800 for all that.) Also, pretty soon I'm going to need new tires for my car.

Here's my dilemma, though it isn't much of one: my computer is not bad enough to justify building a new one yet. The other two things are necessities, so there isn't much I can do about them. But I really want a new computer! I'm already sad that I can't play the Sims for awhile, despite having not played it for months on end before :(. 

Other dilemma: I don't think my current PC is going to really be upgradeable to Windows 7. I think it could handle it just fine, but it isn't worth the cost. Damn.

In other news, my birthday present to myself is a ticket to see Chris Pine's play Farragut North. (No relationship to the Star Trek space ship, the Farragut.) Lauren, Andrew and I are seeing it on Saturday from the nose bleed seats. At some point Chris Pine strips to his boxers. I'm totally looking forward to this, though I'm freaking out because a part of me doesn't believe celebrities are real people, so watching one on stage for awhile might blow my mind. (And seriously, I do have weird issues seeing celebs. It makes me uncomfortable sometimes, and I can't explain why.) Whatev, it's gonna be awesome.

Other other news: a friend of mine, who is looking for an apartment, asked me to be his roommate if his current roommate candidate backs out! That would be super nice, actually. I love my apartment, not gonna lie, but it's small and I think my mental health would be better served by living with another human. There's a two bedroom apartment in Emily's building that's going for anywhere between $1400-$1600 a month, and split two ways would be cheaper than what I pay now considerably. It has parking, central air and heat (hard to find here), "hard wood floors" (aka cheap composite wood, but it works), and two bathrooms. The apartments aren't the most amazing fantastic super great quality ever, and certainly lack the old and 50's sweetness that my current apartment has, but the upside would be the money saving and the lack of homeless person living next to my car. I would really miss my nice landlord and friendly neighbors here, but I know that building offers both of those things. And I can bring my cat. My friend, though he is a guy, is a pretty conscientious person and very respectful, and his girlfriend is really nice. Sharing space with a dude probably wouldn't be an issue :).

GAH, so I have to make some life decisions. (New apartment, new computer, new tires, same shitty job, etc.) But hey, I'm 24 now, so who cares! WOO.

This blog layout has gotten pretty old. Need a new one at some point.

I've been working on the character design for a project I want to actually get serious about, but damnit, she's ending up a red head. All my characters are either blond or red heads. To be fair, her freckles are a pretty important part of her design, so having red hair makes sense. I generally lean towards the pinkish reds, but she's an orangey red. Still, every main girl character ever has red hair. It's been done. That said, I've experimented with changing her hair to every color in the spectrum, and I keep coming back to the oranges and orangey blonds. 

So far, this project is actually getting somewhere. Not too far, but far enough. If I sat down and really put thought into it, I could write the damn thing, but for now I'm having fun thinking up back stories and making character designs. I'm trying to fight the good fight and keep my character count low. I'm working on an actual story arc. I'm trying to figure out what the day-to-day meat of the story is, but what I have so far keeps me going. Slowly.

My current life dilemma is trying to figure out how much the economy is hindering my ability to get a cooler job vs how much I am hindering my own progress. I'm generally resistant to change, like most humans, and I recognize that what I have now is not ideal but comfortable at the least. I go to work, I come home, pet my cat, dick around on the internet, go to sleep and get paid eventually. It's boring, but workable. I worry that getting into the animation industry will just make me bitter by confining me to a desk all day in a tiny cubicle. At least at USC I get to walk around. I don't like offices much. I don't know. I realize I'm holding myself back to a certain extent, but I also know the economy isn't helping. I can't stay in one place forever, though, so at some point I'm going to have to find the catalyst that takes me to the next level.

In other news, I have to go to bed now. Need to wake up at the ass crack of dawn for another fun day of sittin' around and gettin' paid!

Well, damn. I'm looking at more house maintenance coming up here soon. It's good to get things done during the summer, though, because the weather is better and rain isn't as much of a concern.

My list, assuming I can afford it:

New Front Door
Replace windows in front bedroom with the new ones my dad bought and never installed
Replace skylight so it doesn't fuck up my back bathroom again

There are so many things that need to be done to my poor house. It needs to be stripped and painted. There are rotting siding slats that need to be patched and replaced. The roof is who knows how many colors at the moment. There's a piece of siding missing on the garage. The fence is falling apart/rotting like crazy. New carpet in what would be the back bathroom. Finish the trim work in the kitchen and first living room. Redo the wood floors in the main living room. Put something on the floor in the side entry. Build a goddamn historically accurate front porch before the front of the house rots away from exposure. Jack up the front foundation and reinforce it. Replace the ancient air conditioner. Redo the counters in the kitchen. Finish the second bathroom and the closet. Finish the siding on the back of the house and the back porch.

It's funny, because the list is so long, but it's been that long for most of my life. I've always known all the things that need to be done on my house, but I accepted a long time ago that they just don't get resolved quickly, cheaply, or easily.

I know my house is just a house, but I love it. I love my money pit. It's weird to think that it's mine, but my house is my favorite possession. I miss it so badly.

I'm afraid my life has become terribly boring as of late. Too bad.

I raised the rent on my renter lady, as the amount I'm charging her doesn't actually cover my costs for renting my house. Granted, she's renting a whole fucking house (2 bedrooms, 1 bathroom, 2 living rooms, dining room/kitchen and a large yard) for $650/month. That's nothing. I could easily get double that if I put an ad in the newspaper and just picked whoever would offer me that much. But no, I wanted someone who needed a break who came with a good recommendation and had a steady job. That's who my renter is. I raised the rent by $65 to $715/month. Her facebook status (seriously, who adds their landlord on facebook?) sounded vague and bitchy, so I'm hoping it doesn't refer to the contract renewal I sent her in the mail Saturday which she would've received today. It's $65 in two years for a whole house. Not a lot to ask. I lowered her late fee, too, so I'm not a total asshole. I just would like to cover my costs on my house, thanks.

In other news, as I'm falling harder and harder for all things Star Trek (late in the game, I know), I've branched out into reading the novels. (Which are in txt format and totally stolen.)

I skimmed through New Voyages 2 yesterday, and ended up only reading one story in entirety. It was about Kirk's birthday party. Basically, the whole time everyone is trying to keep him away from the party they're planning behind his back. There are some lovely moments where Spock is manhandling him, tripping him, falling on him, and carrying him to keep Kirk away from this party. Also, while Uhura's in his room (which is connected to Spock's O_o) trying to sneak around to set up party stuff, he walks out of the shower wearing just a towel. She is overwhelmed by his manliness, then he hits on her, then Spock comes to her rescue because he had been watching all of this over the cameras in the communication system...which apparently sees EVERYWHERE. (Creepy.) Then there's some random cute stuff and Kirk pulls a loaded gun (which Spock keeps on his wall? What?) on the whole surprise party because he thought someone was trying to kill him or sneak into his room or something. Weirdness.

Also, a few days ago, my homies and I sat down to watch Search for Spock, aka Star Trek III. There's a mind meld scene between Sarek (Spock's dad) and Kirk that was just downright uncomfortable in a sexy way. They sat down in front of a warm fireplace, then Sarek gently put his hand on Kirk's face, then there were some weird close ups on Kirk's eyes while cutting back-and-forth with Sarek's lips speaking. WHAT? It was total mood lighting. I thought they were gonna lie down on a furry bear rug in front of the fire and start making out. Weirdness. Search for Spock also features weird Vulcan hand sex between a super awkward teen Spock and Saavik, who is not played by Kirstie Alley in this film. (Awkwaaaard very obvious actress change.)

I go home in an hour. What to do with myself in the meantime? Besides write my shift report....

It's weird that some parts of LJ barely work with Firefox still. For example, the adding an image dialog box gets all crazy when I open it in Firefox. I haven't used IE in so long. This is like a whole new world...and my version of IE is about two years old now, so even weirder really.

Haven't posted in awhile. No real excuse beyond that I didn't feel like it. I've been twittering to get all my issues out, so LJ doesn't seem like such a pressing need.

In fun news, I can't walk down the street in this damn city without men leering at me. Or hitting on me...or both. I'm sure it isn't just secluded to LA. I've been hit on and cat called in New Mexico too, for instance. Here, it has an added level of creepy that stems from many of the men being homeless and missing teeth.

All I did today was walk to the post office. It's about a mile away. Really, not a big deal, but I couldn't keep the permanent scowl off my face because every block I caught someone looking me up and down. NOT APPRECIATED. One guy called me beautiful, which was somewhat less creepy because he seemed to have all his teeth.

I'm 5' tall, a 32C, and 105 lbs. I know where this is coming from, but there's nothing I can do about it. Creepy creepy creepy.

In other news, I'm still trying to figure out my grand LA escape plan. I'm not really looking forward to moving somewhere where I have no friends and don't know the area again, but I made great friends here and I can make great friends anywhere. I just can't stay here forever. If I can't move up in my chosen career field at the moment, then I just need to keep moving period. Be that physically moving or job-wise moving, I can't stay put this long.

I'm gonna keep this short so I can go waste the rest of my day off reading or watching Star Trek or something.

( Here's some art or whatever )

I don't like Los Angeles.

I'm not sure if it's LA, or myself in the context of LA, or my general frustration over not being able to do what I really want in life (animation) without so many insurmountable roadblocks. I can't pinpoint one thing about LA that makes me not want to be here other than LA as a whole makes me not want to be here.

It's hard to hate this place, honestly. Disneyland is here, and that's a happy place. There's more cultures here than I had ever thought about in Indiana, and more varieties of food. There's a general ease of access to so many resources, be it art stores or foreign goods or obscure candy or independent books or whatever else, and that's appealing. The thrift stores are not generally terrible. There are little parks and patches of greenery smattered about.

Overall, none of that fixes the greater problems. It's filthy here. The air takes getting used to, but even then is still terribly unhealthy. The homeless population is out of control. The average person's income barely crosses into the amount needed to actually live here. The general culture lends itself to being self-concerned to a frightening extent. Traffic's out of control. The public transportation, school systems, and general societal infrastructure are terribly out-dated and under funded. California's been in a budget crisis to some extent for as long as I've been aware of California existing.

I want to say I can suck it up and get used to all of these things and settle into myself here, staying here forever until I grow old and die, but I never see that. Even when I contemplate on my future and play out the scenario of staying in LA forever in my head, I can't even figure out what that means. Most often I end up under a bridge and crazy out of my mind. I see myself with a family and a dog and a house and a little garden and a job I love, and while all of these things are attainable in LA, albeit with somewhat more difficulty, LA is never the backdrop in my future scenarios. Even in the scenarios where I end up a cat lady alone in a tiny two bedroom house, I'm not in LA. I'm anywhere else, but I'm never here.

In Indiana, I never needed a vacation. I never needed to get away the way I need to get away from here. Maybe it's a symptom of my parents dying, as that was the first time I ever felt the need to really bolt from Indiana and get away from everything it really meant to me. But LA makes me tired more than Indiana ever did. It drains me. I stop being myself and start getting bitter and melancholy. (Though some would argue that's my natural state, but they can shut the fuck up.)

LA has something inherent in the culture that just rubs my Midwestern sensibilities the wrong way. It's every clerk at the grocery check-out line that rings my order up, only telling me my total and saying nothing else. It's every weirdo who looks me up and down while I'm just walking down the street...weirdos looking me up and down, because it's never just one. It's every person who I come in contact with who is just nice enough to not be rude, but somehow is still completely disengaged from me. Maybe I just grew up in a really friendly town, I don't know, but there's no community here and it brings me down. When my gramma goes to the grocery store in her hometown in New Mexico, she walks out with at least two warm hugs from the baggers or the check-out people, after having met half the people she knows while buying food. My aunt in Mississippi can't get out of Walmart without running into a former student or a church friend. I'm still fond of my hometown bank where they've known my family forever, fondly remember my dad, and ask me how school is going whenever I walk in the door. All of them. Not just one teller but all of them.

I'm not from a small town, I'm from a small city. There are 50k+ people in my hometown, yet I meet people I know almost everywhere. Sure, there are assholes. There are always assholes. But really, it was just nice to feel a sense of permanence. Here I just feel like a gypsy....surrounded by celebrities and wannabe celebrities and crazy fucking homeless people.

I can't tell if I've been productive today. I think yes.

I bought an external hard drive today! I needed one and I've never had one, so I figured I'd check Best Buy. I'm worried that my power supply on my computer might be going out or something, so I didn't want to wait on a drive from Newegg to arrive. I ended up with a Western Digital MyBook drive with 640gb for $100. WHAT. I'm really happy about it, but I can't figure out what I'm going to do with so many gigs. My PC only has 150gb, so the idea of having more than 4 times that much space is pretty mind blowing.

Yesterday my computer was freaking out on me. I haven't had any issues with my PC since I built it. I've never even had to reinstall Windows! It usually runs pretty cool, doesn't make weird noises, and handles big jobs pretty bravely. Yesterday was just a bad day, I hope. Lauren and I were working in Flash and then my screen just went blank and the energy save/no signal sign came on. The computer itself seemed to still be on, but wasn't responding to the keyboard. I looked online, and there were so many reasons for it I couldn't nail anything down. It happened 3 times in a row but hasn't happened since yesterday. It was running awfully hot, so I think it might have overheated. It's never had that problem before, but okay. I'm hoping that's all the problem is, because I don't really want to replace my power supply.

I vacuumed my computer yesterday just in case. I couldn't get much dust off. I still need to clean out my heat sink to get out the dust (I can definitely see it's there), but to get to it, I have to disconnect my hard drive and remove the hard drive chassis and dvd/cd drive chassis. Shuttle PCs are built compactly, so my heat sink and all of it's fans are really tucked in there. It's a good set up until you need to get to something to do whatever.

Since I finally have an external hard drive, I'm going to move all my data onto it and reinstall Windows. It'd be nice to just have a clean slate to work with.

I also bought groceries today, worked on more animation for my terrible freelance project, made dinner with friends, and sold my Japanese Batman action figure through Amazon. The action figure is a surprise, because I only listed it a few weeks ago. It's the Yamato first wave by Kia Asamiya. I bought it on a whim when I saw it in a little store in New Mexico but I don't really appreciate it. But hey! I got $30 for it. The whole wave is going for $60 on eBay, so I think I did well for the one figure :).

In other news, I'm fucking obsessed with Star Trek lately. I feel like such a poser, because I wouldn't have enjoyed the series as much without the new movie, but I'm still really enjoying myself :). Watching the old episodes is really making the movie more and more awesome. DAMN, it's so good. Here's an awesome video just because. Space Olympics by Andy Sandberg (On a BOAT! guy) set to the new movie.


And I'm done.

At work. Super bored, but that's not new.

I got my evaluation at work today, and overall it was very good! Especially seeing as I haven't been here that long. My supervisor also commended me on being so thorough and committed when doing my evaluations of my student workers. My coworkers mostly wrote generic messages and copy-and-pasted a lot of their response, but I tried hard to make sure each one was individual and specific. I'm glad she liked my effort! I know this job has no real upward mobility or significant pay increases for doing a good job, but I like doing a good job. I was very much raised to put my best effort into things, or possibly that's just my nature, and I feel lousy if I don't put in reasonable effort. That's probably why I did so well in school growing up. It wasn't so much that I want to please other people, but that I want to feel the accomplishment that comes with making a good effort and succeeding appropriately. 

Speaking of succeeding, I need to put more effort into my artwork! Or at least put more effort into sharing my art with the internets. I feel like in the last year I've made some big strides in my skills, and I don't think I've been really representing that. I've gotten to the point where the big obvious problems have been solved. I can draw hands and feet and heads, etc. The problem comes when I need to fix the little things.

For example, a friend at Cartoon Network during my internship pointed out that I had real skill, but needed to make my lines more confident and solid. I wasn't sure what he meant at the time, but I figured I'd look into it. Surprise! It makes a real difference. My lines were fine before, but the line quality I bring to my art now gives a much better look overall. Also, last week I realized I wasn't really thinking enough when I drew heads. I thought of heads as the typical 3/4, front, side views, but not the 3/4-slightly-tilted-looking-up view. I sat down and really thought about the head as a 3D object in space, and practiced rotating it in ways I normally didn't bother with. It made a real difference!

There are still basic things I need to work on really solidifying. I can draw hands pretty well, but I've been back-sliding as far as actually putting effort into drawing them. I keep sketching things and leaving off the hands or doing them messily. Also feet. I understand feet in principle, and can draw them with reference well and decently without, but I really need to make an effort to internalize the information. I like feet, they can be a lot of fun, but I need to really think harder about them.

My coloring skills I'm pretty happy with. I've improved a lot in the last year, but I need to keep pushing it. I haven't colored anything in a long damn while and it's starting to really show.

So, done blabbing about art. I got paid today, stashed away $200 into savings like I'm going to start doing every paycheck, and blew $6 at Coffee Bean on a donut and a latte. It was my treat to myself :). Now I just need my renter lady to freaking pay me the rent >_<.

I think Twitter is taking the air out of most of my inane stuff-in-my-life posts. That's probably a good thing.

Saw Star Trek like the rest of the world. It was freaking amazing. There haven't been too many movie experiences where I left feeling totally satisfied, but that movie was like the biggest stack of awesome pancakes when you haven't eaten all day. Covered in maple syrup. And lens flare. It helps that both Zachary Quinto and Chris Pine just seem like really neat guys in real life, though every time I see the new Spock, I can't see Zachary Quinto. It's like they are two totally different things. I think it's the hair cut. Spock just seems like young Spock. Glad they didn't go for the glammed-up purple eyeshadow that Nimoy wore in the original series. It'd be a little freaky on a giant high def screen.

Also started watching the original series online. It's streaming on Netflix or CBS.com. Netflix is preferred because the quality is better and no commercials. So far, I mostly like how every episode I watch has Kirk getting his shirt ripped apart or somehow otherwise baring his manly chest. All of the original uniforms have rick-rack on the sleeves (the little squiggly trim you decorate bad craft projects with), which I think is just special. Overall, I appreciate the original series both for what it is, and also for how wacky it seems in modern terms. The last episode I watched (The Evil Within) featured an "alien" which was really just a dog in a terrible costume. I think it was a cocker spaniel. Pretty funny shit.

So...life. Not really sure what I'm doing lately. Obviously don't want to stay here at USC forever, despite the security and constantness of it. Doing the math, based on what I make here versus the cost of living, I'm not making much more than I could make working at Walmart in my hometown. Probably part-time, at that. At USC I make $17.65/hour. I pay $50+ per month for my benefits (yeah, go figure) and another $50/month for parking. I spend close to $100/month on food eating out around campus for lunch on the days I don't bring something. My rent is $860/month. Gas is about $40+/month. Groceries around $110, internet $30, electric and gas $20+, student loans $200+, car insurance $95, house insurance for my pad in Indiana $88, phone is $45. Of course, none of that takes into account the fact that every month I carry the cost of my mortgage longer than I should because my renter doesn't pay me on time, upkeep to my house or car, and general needs. I can save a little, but overall I'm not getting where I want to be on the money I'm making. After taxes, it's only a little over $2k/month, which is nothing.

Mississippi is where my head/heart say I should go. The general consensus from my adult family/friends is that this would be a great money saving opportunity and a way to be closer to my family, dog, house, and other obligations. Mississippi has a 7.2 unemployment rate, compared to the local Los Angeles county unemployment rate of 11.4. Mississippi has one of the lowest costs of living in the country. Most of my family is in Mississippi, there's delicious food, general safety, lack of congestion, and easy access to more 24-hour Super Walmarts than you can shake a stick at. I'd also have to contend with being the only liberal-minded granola-eating save-the-earth hippie around, which kind of suits my taste. I've found that my people (the liberals) are also a bit more angry, militant, and underground down South than anywhere else, which is hilarious. They know that of which they speak because they have to in order to not be killed in their sleep or something.

Obviously, these plans seem kind of crazy to most of my friends out here. Most of them have never been to the South. I've regularly been to the South my whole life. I understand what kind of wackiness I would be getting myself into. I understand that walking outside in the middle of the afternoon in summer is like trying to swim through hot water in the air. I also understand that I'll probably get super fat from all the kick ass food. I'm okay with all of these things if it means getting the hell away from Los Angeles.

And whenever I get tired of Mississippi, I'm going to move to Texas or New Mexico probably. Texas seems like a better place than I think it is. Can anyone enlighten me? The unemployment rate is only 5.7, which I find encouraging, but Texas is huge, so who knows what that means regionally.

I've gotta go take a long walk to return some keys to their rightful place. I'm at my job screwing around because there's nothing better for me to do.

First off, I look totally cute today. I haven't even brushed my hair yet and I'm still proud of myself. I bought a navy blue cardigan at H&M last month, after debating if I'd get the mileage out of it with summer approaching. Well, wouldn't you know that I wear it almost every day and it looks cute with everything. So yeah, I'm feeling good about myself today.

Second, the Nick job isn't gonna work out! Damn. There's been so few opportunities in animation lately, unless you're already pretty well hooked up or on a really safe production. (No one's going to be leaving South Park any time soon, for example.) Well, I did a good job on my boards and that's what matters. I know what they're looking for in the future, too. I'm pretty confident that things will work out the way they are supposed to in the end. Maybe there's a reason I've had such a hard time getting into the animation industry? I mean, beside the terrible economy. I'm holding out that there's something I'm supposed to be doing and I just haven't found it yet.

I've been inundated with projects lately. It's just nonstop! Most of them aren't paying me anything, which is sort of disappointing, but they're mostly to help out friends. Friends who pay me with food! I like being paid with food, actually. I animated some water for one friend. I really enjoy animating water! There's something about drawing it moving that makes a lot of sense in my head. My water's always really cute and round looking, though. It isn't Disney water. Disney water is beautiful but really complicated looking. Also, I'm working on this terrible Flash project still. I'm getting pretty quick about it, though. Then I have backgrounds to do for a friend's film. Luckily his style's really simple. I'm going to have credit on so many films! DAMN. Too bad my resume's not set up for that O_o.

Must go check on my soup! I'm using Trader Joe's spicy tomato soup as a base, then I threw in corn, garbanzo beans, lentils, and pasta shells. Don't judge me! It's all the junk I had in my cabinets. Hopefully it won't spoil by dinner!